Noah Today

In the year 2013, the Lord came unto Noah who was now living in America and said:"Once again the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.  Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing.  Along with a  few good humans."  He gave Noah  the blueprints saying "You have 6 months to build the art before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights". 
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in the yard, but no ark.
"Noah,"  He roared, "I'm about to start the rain.  Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me Lord, begged Noah, "But things have changed, I needed a building permit.
I've been arguing with the boat inspector about the need for a sprinkler system on it.
My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood by-laws by building the Ark in my back yard and exceeding the height limitations.   We had to go to the local planning committee for a  decision. 
Then the local council and electric company demanded a shed load of money for the future cost of moving  power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.  I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it.

Getting the wood was another problem.  There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the greater spotted barn owl.  I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed  the wood to save the owls - but no go.
When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court. They insisted that
I was confining wild animals against their will.  They argued the accommodations were too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the environmental agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted a  environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.

I am still trying to resolve a complaint with the human rights commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
The Immigration Department is checking the visa status of most of the people who want to work.
The trade unions say I can't use my sons.  They insist I have to hire only union workers with ark building experience.

To make matters worse the IRS seized my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.  So forgive me Lord, but it would take ten years to finish this Ark.

"Suddenly the skies cleared and the sun began to shine and a rainbow stretched across the sky
Noah looked up in wonder and asked "You mean your not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord.
"The Government beat me to it."